Do You Really Want It?

I knew early on that I wanted to be a career woman. What did it mean to me in my twenties? It meant dressing a certain way, owning a job description, prioritizing my work, earning a salary that would provide self-sufficiency, traveling for business, and, of course, learning constantly.

My mother had provided a fine role model, raising 4 children while working as a high-powered executive at the biggest HMO in the country. I saw how good it made her feel, how the work filled her world with meaning and gave her stories to tell and challenges to keep her engaged.

I knew this was the right path for me and I knew firsthand that she had been able to do a fine job as both a professional and as a mother. She certainly worked long hours, both in and out of the home, but her work did me good more than harm because she was able to give me attention when I needed it, despite her work schedule. She was also smart and tuned in enough to let me find my own way when that was what I needed. Her example showed me what was possible.

When I was pregnant with our first child, my husband and I sat talking in a coffee shop and he said, “I assume you’re going to travel less once we have a child.” I burst into tears. I couldn’t believe that he didn’t understand how important my career was to me and that I had every intention of doing things my own way. To his credit, he adapted well. I kept doing quite a bit of traveling, spending as much as a week each month away from my family for a time.

In the end, I cut back on the work trips. It just wasn’t worth it to be away from my family and I didn’t need to make that sacrifice to be successful. But my career remained front and center.

I knew what I wanted, and I knew it wasn’t negotiable. I was able to succeed because the drive came from deep within me. It wasn’t some external billboard message or slogan that I internalized. It came straight from my heart and soul. I knew there would be costs and challenges, but I felt ready to face them. It also helped that I had the right partner, someone who could support me in day-to-day actions and also bigger picture priorities. We share values, beliefs, and joy.

A few years down the line I developed an interest in running. I’d completed a 2k run when I was in the army, but other than that I had no experience with it other than running to catch a bus or chasing after a child in the park. It would have been silly to say, “I want to run a marathon this year,” when I was first getting started. Instead, I made a realistic plan to build my skill and endurance. It took 2 years to work my way up to a 7k run. I made it a priority and I was willing to pay the price of sore muscles and less free time.

The drive came from within me but, integrating running into my life, I had to make things happen in the real world. There are only so many hours in the day so I had to make sacrifices and adjustments to my daily routine so I could evolve and develop new skills. I had to dig deeper and stay clear about my dreams. But what a feeling it is to run through the fields and smell the parsley or see the sunset while covering a distance I’d never imagined I could conquer.